Marriage 101 session 2

I would like to continue with most common things I see in marriage counseling.  Last time we talked about finances and I pray that it made you look closer at your own marital finances.  Today I am going to talk about a touchy subject…family and friends.

I see a major source of marital problems falls within the family ties that are linked to our parents and siblings and close friends.  We all have close relationships with family and friends, but sometimes that bond can be a cause of contention in the marriage.

Let’s take a look at the spouse who can not totally leave the parental hold.  This spouse sometimes let’s their parents make decisions in their own marriage.  Anger and dissension can form in the marriage.  Instead of the spouses controlling the marriage, the parents are.  The Bible states in Gen. 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. God understood the love and admiration that we have for our parents, but clearly told us that this bond must not come before our marital bond.

Another problem that I find is when a spouse confides in their family and/or friends the problems within their marriage.  The first problem I see with this is that your family and friends almost always side with you.  They will feed the problem until it grows greater than it should be.   This makes it ALL of you against your spouse, that is a big wall to conquer.

The second problem with turning to family and friends is that they hold grudges longer than you might.  You love your spouse and have decided to join as one.  Your family and friends have not.  Yes, they might love your spouse, but not as you do.  If your spouse has hurt or angered you and you share that with your family, then they feel this hurt.  You may forgive and get over the problem, but as a parent it is so much harder to move on once your child has been hurt.  This starts setting up barriers between your family and your spouse, and eventually between the two of you.

Am I saying that you should never turn to your parents, NO.  But I am telling you to be cautious in the information you divulge to them.  Talk things out with your spouse, try to keep your problems between each other and work hard at solving them together.  Turn to your Heavenly Father for answers, He is the ultimate counselor.  Talk with your pastor, he is there to listen and offer advice.   Your family and friends are there to support your marriage, don’t give them reason to unintentionally harm it.