Once broken, but trying to keep it together ever since!

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Brokenness is a precious place, a place where we finally see things as they truly are in our lives.  This is the place where authentic change takes place in the heart.

As Christians we all have “that something” in our lives that led us to brokenness unto salvation.  For me it was prescription drug addiction in the midst of an unstable and not so happy marriage with serious financial troubles.  Sound like a recipe for disaster?  It was!

All I wanted was to feel love and acceptance instead of rejection and condemnation for the mistakes I had made up to this point in my life.  That’s really all any of us want.  Somewhere in the midst of my brokenness, a series of Christ followers were allowed to pass through my life by way of ordered steps from The Master.  It was through these divine appointments where I came to discover who Jesus is to me personally.  This revelation did not come to me because of anything I had done, but through a true knowledge of what He has done for me and for you.  I found out that He loves me in spite of me!  He sent His one and only son to die on the cross for me because He knew long before I was even born that I was going to make serious mistakes encompassing painful repercussions in life.  While I was still a sinner, Christ died for me (Christ died for you)!  Reliving this through writing excites me!!!

So why have I allowed myself to get caught up in living a life that tries to do everything so perfectly?  At times, I have become a Christian that tries to be pro-active in all that I do in hopes that I can avoid the deep hurt and pain of being broken.  It’s like I’m trying to avoid the same type of brokenness that I experienced during the days of finding out who Jesus really is to me.  As bad as I hate to admit this, I have tried numerous times to inflict pro-active Christianity on others to help them avoid the same painful path I experienced.  Preventing pain and brokenness is not the answer whether it is in my life or the lives of those around me.  My intentions were thoughtful, but a pro-active approach doesn’t leave much room for God to use all things for the good of those who love Him.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted?and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

This verse of scripture is so important to remember.  The brokenhearted are the ones the Lord draws close to and He saves those who are crushed in spirit.  WOW!  As long as I am convinced that I can make the needed provision for my circumstances and I continually chisel away at the resources I perceive to be viable choices in answering the call to my problems, God won’t bully His way in and force a solution to my situation.  He waits like a gentleman for me to invite Him into my situation.  It just so happens that God gets the majority of his invites from a heart crying out from a place of brokenness.

The struggles I have in my life today pale in comparison to some of the struggles I was having when I came to Jesus for the first time, but I still have struggles that I keep battling day in and day out in my strength.  They fly under the radar as not that big of a deal, but they are a huge big deal when they prevent me from becoming all that God created for me.  In reality, I have to get to the end of myself through each failed attempt to conquer my battles regardless of how large or small.

How are you doing?  Is anyone else out there trying to keep it together for fear of what brokenness might feel like again?

Father, forgive me for trying to get in the way of your work sometimes.  Forgive me for trying to keep everything together in my strength.  I know you are trustworthy, faithful, and good.  I desire to be close to you and abide in you.  Help me and help others that may read this and realize they too have been practicing pro-active Christianity.  Fill us with renewed compassion and love that is patient and kind.  Help us lay down our desire for control and let you move and work as you see fit to transform our hearts to become more like that of your son, Jesus.

Abiding,

Kelli

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