“Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts.”  (Elisabeth Eliot)

Part of the challenge of a faith journey is keeping your faith in spite of strong opposition.  That has been God’s lesson for me the past two weeks.  The joy of signing our placement documents for Tess and Titus and announcing their existence to our friends and family has been incredible.  But we have also had to battle negativity and pessimism from a small minority in the world of insurance and medicine as we struggle to get them to Virginia.  This battle has revealed to me the stark difference between living out of fear and living out of faith.

“Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. ‘It’s a ghost,’ they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: ‘Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.’

‘Lord, if it’s you,’ Peter replied, ‘tell me to come to you on the water.’

‘Come,’ he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?’

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, ‘Truly you are the Son of God.’”  (Matthew 14:22-33)

God has shown me clearly over the past two weeks that this is a “Peter Walks on Water” story.  We made a decision for the twins—much less faith-based than Peter’s decision, as we consulted with doctors and prayed and sought counsel from friends before stepping out on our little lake.  But now we are out of the boat and being bombarded by the doubts and fears of well-meaning doctors and insurance representatives.  Keeping their negativity from tainting our joy is a battle at times.

I wonder what Peter felt when he took his eyes off of Jesus?  Did his heart start to race?  Did he begin reasoning with himself, formulating a plan of attack to get back to that boat?  Did he break out in a cold sweat?  Did he whip out his smart phone and text John or James?  Did he call his mom for advice?  Did he go online and search the Internet for solutions to his problem?  What does it feel like to take our eyes off Jesus and look at our circumstances?  When panic begins to set in, how do we respond?

I think I am finally starting to recognize the symptoms that present themselves when my faith is being threatened by fear.  I am finding that this is half the battle.  Once I recognize the attack on my faith, I have two choices.  I can allow fear and doubt to consume my joy.  I can question my decision to get out of the boat in the first place and start looking back with regret or forward with fear and uncertainty. Or, I can reject these things in the name of Jesus and keep my eyes—not on circumstances or possible difficulties but on Christ!  The Provider.  The Source.  The Light.  The Way.  The Truth.  The Healer.  The Shepherd.

If anyone can make these babies “okay” (whatever that is), it is Him!  If anyone can bring them home quickly, it is Him!  And if anyone can provide for us if they are not okay or they do not come home quickly, it is Him!  So why should our eyes ever be anywhere else?  And why should our ears ever hear anything else?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Our eyes should not stray toward predictions or statistics or bottom lines.  They should not look at what has happened in the past or what potential problems may arise.  They should be focused solely on the One who called us and who promised to be with us.

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Joshua 1:5b)

What do statistics matter to a parent anyway?  If one of our children has a 99% chance of some catastrophic condition, a parent’s job is to walk in faith and belief for the chance to be the 1% that is perfectly fine.  And if they have a 99% chance of being perfectly fine, there is still the 1% that isn’t.  And if you are the 1, then it really doesn’t matter what the percentage was, does it?

When I was expecting Lydia, I was first told there was a 1 in 10 chance she would have Down syndrome.  That’s a 10% chance of having Ds and a 90% chance of not having it.  Later, a “high level ultrasound” reduced her chances to 1 in 20, so a 5% chance of having Ds and a 95% chance of not having it.  The odds were in her favor, but in the end, the odds didn’t matter.  She had Down syndrome, and that was the reality.  So, we dealt with it and embraced it.  Now we have a beautiful little girl, and statistics are irrelevant.

A handful of doctors and hospital administrators and insurance providers want to focus on all of the “what if’s” with Titus and Tess and live in fear of going back down the path we just walked with Timothy.  But that doesn’t honor Timothy’s legacy at all.  He didn’t teach us to fear; he taught us to love and to trust and to step out in faith—to find the good in every situation and to focus not on circumstance but on the One who transcends circumstance.

“Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good?  But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. ‘Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.’ But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.”  (1 Peter 3:13-15a)

Two choices:  Live out of fear or Live out of faith?  I’ll take faith, please…preferably to go…all the way from Chicago to Virginia!

I pray that those who are choosing to live out of fear will experience heart changes or that they are rendered powerless in this situation.  I pray that the efforts made by many who are walking in joy and faith and optimism to bring these babies to Virginia where they belong would prevail against all opposition both spiritual and practical.  And I pray that our eyes would stay firmly on Christ, the only source of hope, peace, and certainty.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” (Psalm 37:7)

As a friend who knows and understands adoption challenges all too well told me recently, “Psalm 68 says that HE is the one who sets the lonely in families.  Not me.  Not you.  Not insurance companies or hospitals, etc.  HE will accomplish what He has started.”  Her prayer for us is Job 5:8-16:

“But if I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed,
miracles that cannot be counted. He provides rain for the earth;
he sends water on the countryside. The lowly he sets on high,
and those who mourn are lifted to safety. He thwarts the plans of the crafty,
so that their hands achieve no success. He catches the wise in their craftiness,
and the schemes of the wily are swept away. Darkness comes upon them in the daytime;
at noon they grope as in the night. He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth;
he saves them from the clutches of the powerful. So the poor have hope,
and injustice shuts its mouth.”

Amen to that.  Faith, not fear.