“Now when John heard in prison about the deeds of the Christ, he sent word by his disciples and said to him, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?’ And Jesus answered them, ‘Go and tell John what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the poor have good news preached to them. And blessed is the one who is not offended by me.’ As they went away, Jesus began to speak to the crowds concerning John.” (Matthew 11:2-7a, ESV)           

At that point in Matthew’s narrative, the reader braces for a reckoning. Here is a man, miraculously conceived to infertile parents, set apart for a mission he does with power that could only have come from the Holy Spirit, privileged to baptize Jesus at the start of his ministry…a man clearly full of faith and strength and power beyond that of most (all on a diet of locusts and honey!?!). This man preached repentance and pointed others to the one “who is coming after me [who] is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry.” (Matthew 3:11, ESV). Yet that same man just sent word asking Jesus if he is “the one” or if they should look for another!?!

Even more amazing than John’s doubt is Jesus’s response: “Truly, I say to you, among those born of women there has arisen no one greater than John the Baptist.” (Matthew 11:11a, ESV)

Yesterday, I was led to write about faith and as soon as I posted that journal, I knew I also had to write about doubt. At first glance the two may appear opposites, but they are not. The opposite of faith is fear; the two cannot co-exist. But doubt can exist within faith, and thankfully God repeatedly demonstrates His willingness to help us work through it.

A desperate father brought his son to Jesus in hopes of freeing him from a demon that Jesus’s disciples had been unable to cast out. The man described the horrible ways the demon had afflicted his son and then cried out, “if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.”

“And Jesus said to him, ‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.’” To which the man replied, “I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:22-24, ESV)

For many years, I sought solace in this passage of Scripture because my faith in God was honestly not very strong. I had not lived enough life to see Him at work, and I struggled sometimes to even believe He was real and that He cared about me. I would often repeat my own version of that father’s prayer: “Lord, I want to believe; help my unbelief!”

That isn’t my struggle these days. My faith is my lifeline. It has sustained me through my darkest days and brought meaning out of tragedy. Trials no longer weaken my faith but strengthen it. Despite this, I still find myself doubting God’s promises to me.

In the story I shared yesterday, I intentionally left out a detail. When daylight broke the morning of our gut-wrenching decision, Timothy’s regular surgeon arrived and learned of what had transpired overnight. I went to him immediately to ask the question I had wanted so desperately to ask him in the night: What would you have advised us to do? I realized later that my question was loaded with doubt. Even though God had spoken to me in that OR waiting room and we had made a decision that could not be reversed, I desperately sought affirmation of our choice. What was this beloved surgeon to say? Even if he disagreed with the path we took, he certainly wouldn’t help us or Timothy by saying so. My underlying question was, “Can you please affirm what we did so that I can sleep at night?!?”

God answered my early morning pleas with a promise that His sovereignty would reign no matter which decision we made, yet I seized the first opportunity I had to seek reassurance outside of Him. How quickly I moved from faith to doubt!?!

And today, even after God provided a peaceful home for me, the support of friends and family, and word after word of hope and encouragement, I still give in to moments of doubt about how and when He will fulfill His promises of justice, provision, and protection.

In church we often sing a worship song by Housefires called “The Way.” I love the honesty of this part of the song’s bridge:

“Cause it’s a new horizon and I’m set on You

And You meet me here today with mercies that are new

All my fears and doubts, they can all come too

Because they can’t stay long when I’m here with You”

Even though my faith is strong and I am so incredibly grateful for this new horizon to which God has brought me and the promises He has made over me and my children, I am equally grateful to know that He makes room for my doubts and that they do not hinder His work in my life. He can handle my questions just as He did John the Baptist’s, and He can bring healing to my family just as he did for the demon-possessed son of the father who so desperately wanted to believe. Doubt does not negate or extinguish faith, and if I keep my eyes on the Promise Maker and not on circumstances, it can even be a conduit through which He can multiply my faith.

 

“And Peter answered him, ‘Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.’ He said, ‘Come.’ So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, ‘Lord, save me.’ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, ‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?’ And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, ‘Truly you are the Son of God.’” (Matthew 14:28-32, ESV)