Today marks the end of Advent and the end of this Advent Journal, so this entry will be a series of random yet related reflections on the past three weeks…

*If He calls, He equips…When I felt the Lord nudge me to try this Advent Journal again, it seemed crazy. My days are filled with more than ever before, and I didn’t see how I would find the space necessary to hear from the Lord much less put together coherent thoughts about what He shared with me. The fact that I did not miss a day of writing is a testament to His faithfulness to equip us for whatever He calls us to do. I pray that as I listen for His direction in this next season of my life, I will remember this little lesson and not be afraid to take on whatever work He has for me to do.

Seek Him first…After 23 days of reaching for my phone and finding a devotional in its place, I have developed a habit I am not about to break.  It is amazing how spending less than ten minutes reading Scripture and a devotional first thing in the morning can set the tone for the day.  It is so much more fulfilling than scrolling a newsfeed or checking email, and it allows me to tell Satan to take a hike when he tries to tell me that I haven’t sought the Lord.  It isn’t remotely enough of His presence for a day, but seeking Him first gives me a reserve to draw on that keeps the day from going awry.

He speaks through our God-given passions…God instilled a love for words in me. I have always loved language, reading, and writing. I knew that journaling was one of the main ways I connected with God, but I always thought it was the venue through which I could record things I heard from Him through readings or sermons or a vehicle through which I pour out my feelings to Him in notebooks full of hand-scrawled prayers. But as I wrote this Advent Journal, I realized that He also speaks to me WHILE I write. The very act of writing brings me His revelation. I suspect that is true of all God-give passions. Artists and runners and chefs and musicians likely receive truth from Him as they paint and run and bake and sing. I hope I remember to make time to do the things He has made me passionate about, recognizing that that is one way to spend time with and hear from Him.

*Rise up…When I received the shocking news I wrote about in the Miracle journal entry, I was sure that would be the end of my Advent Journals. I could not fathom writing in the midst of so much pain. But God immediately interrupted that enemy attack with His own perspective. I heard Him say, “No. Now more than ever, you are to write. I have much to reveal to you about this situation. Rise up ‘with wings like eagles.’ You may feel too weak, but my Spirit within you is as strong as ever.” Oh, that I would remember that in all painful situations.

*Tell your story…About a week after I started writing these journals, my counselor told me that it is time for me to start to tell my story so that I will accept it. When I look back on the entries, I see her imprint in them. The first week, I mainly referred to hard times and life changes in vague terms, but in the second week I saw my entries shift to sharing more specifics about the past few years. That was difficult for me because there are many things I just wish were not true. But I know that speaking them will help me accept them and possibly allow others to feel less alone in their own painful situations. Telling my story not only helps me accept it; it also helps me heal.

*Wash away the grime…A man from my church powerwashed my new house last week. I was not home while he did it, and when I returned, my house, sheds, and deck looked as I had hoped they would—free of the patches of mold and mildew that had been scattered around them. What I did not expect was the appearance of my driveway. It was white with specks of tiny grey and tan decorative stones that catch the light of the sun—quite pretty for a driveway! I told Mr. Hudson that I had no idea that my driveway looked like that because I had only ever seen it the dark grayish color it was before he cleaned it. I wondered how much of what I see in my own life or the lives of others is just grime covering the true beauty underneath. I don’t want to accept a dirty, grimy covering over myself or my life. I want to do whatever it takes to remove that layer of built-up dirt so that my true self is exposed and free to shine—even if the process requires some forceful washing. I think writing is one way God helps me to do that; it is so therapeutic and revealing to me.

*Advent is truly the very best part of Christmas…Today is Christmas Eve, and I am excited to attend the service at my church tonight, watch my kid sing in the choir, eat some of Marina’s delicious food, and see my kids open the simple gifts I wrapped yesterday. But instead of these things being the climax of my Advent story, they feel like the resolution. They will be a nice way to close out the season, but for me the daily seeking and waiting and eventually hearing what the Lord had to share with me was the very best part of Christmas. I also loved seeing Lydia’s enthusiasm for the Christmas story, which she listened to and sang about with great attention and devotion all month.

To all who took the time to read this or any of the other Advent Journal posts, thank you for being my “audience.” For those who shared that a particular word or entry spoke to you in some way, thank you for affirming God’s direction to me for that particular day. For those who read these in future years, I hope that you see evidence in my life that I applied the truths God revealed to me this Advent season, for that is my heart’s desire.

Merry Christmas!

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6, ESV)

A few hours after publishing this final 2018 Advent Journal, I attended a lovely Christmas Eve service at my church with my kids.  At the end of the service, Lydia wandered out of the sanctuary. Marina found her in the lobby…praying to baby Jesus.  This is the perfect picture to conclude this journal because it captures the greatest lesson I learned this Advent season and the best Christmas present I could have received.  As J.R.R. Tolkien once wrote, “Not all those who wander are lost.”